So I’ve Been Thinking…

Duck and cover, everyone! My brain is on the run again!

Now on to the serious part…

For the past week, I’ve been giving a lot of thought to the future. If you’ve been reading my posts for a long time, you know I am a caregiver to a special needs child.

While I love the job I have, I want to do something more with my life. Something big. Something that can show the world who I am, but also to help improve it.

I had the opportunity to go to San Antonio to meet my editor, mentor, and very dear friend, Lisa James, last Saturday. She mentioned something to me about public speaking, and at first I thought that would never happen, because I would be terrified to speak in front of a big crowd. Then I gave it some more thought… Why shouldn’t I? I can make a difference in the world.

A lot of you may not know this, but Days of the Kill is so much more than just an entertaining murder mystery. It was actually a release for me. I had major anger issues. I was on the verge of actually breaking the law and spending the rest of my life in prison. I was that bad. Then I got the idea for this book… I took the idea and ran with it. I was so much happier after writing it. It’s amazing what writing can do.

Some of you may have seen my post a couple months back about getting out of a toxic relationship. I only wrote about one on here, but in reality, I’ve been in a string of them.

My goal is to be able to make enough royalties off of my book sales to be able to travel and speak out against toxic relationships. I want to be this motivational speaker that helps to make a difference in the world and speaks out against what has been such a taboo subject for far too long. I want to show people that you can bounce back, no matter how difficult it is.

I will always be a work in progress. I understand that. I will never be perfect, and that’s okay. It’s okay that nobody will ever be perfect.

This dream of motivational speaking is why I advertise my book. My experience is why I want to be able to travel and speak out against such a horrible thing.

My goal is to be able to start traveling and speaking in a year or two, and I would love to be able to get there. If you enjoy murder mysteries, and if you think this is something worth supporting, why not buy my book?:

Thank you for listening to me ramble on about my hopes and dreams for the future.

The Road to Being Published

I know I’ve been slacking on the posting lately. I’m trying to get back to it regularly. I promise!

It’s Wednesday, so we’re looking at how far I am on getting my next book out.

I’m so proud of how far I’ve come. You might be surprised!

The Path to Biological is still with the beta reader. I plan on getting in touch with her, because it’s been a little over a month. I told her no rush, but I do want to get back to it eventually. I have major rewrites to do!

The Child of Fault is now with beta readers. I know, the last time I posted I was still on the third draft. I’ve done four, and it’s with them. Isn’t that amazing? I’ve gotten so much more done with it!

Bethany’s Corpse is going well. I’ve edited ten chapters in the third draft. Yay! At this rate, I should be getting done with the third and fourth draft in just a few weeks. I can always hope for that, anyway!

Do You Remember Me is still on hold. I hope to be getting back to it in just a couple weeks. I’m looking forward to it. I actually miss working on this manuscript!

Living Through Abuse is still on hold as well. I’ll get back to it as soon as I possibly can… Hopefully it’ll be soon. I may just have to skip over some things and get back to it sooner!

I didn’t have a lot to report this week, but it was enough. I’m just proud of how far I’ve gotten in just a short amount of time. That’s about all for this week. Here’s to hoping I have even more to post next week! Until then…stay tuned!

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The Road to Being Published

The good thing about doing an extra post a week and a half ago is that there was no month in between posts unlike my other site.

Anyway… It’s Wednesday, so it’s time to look at where I am with being published. Have I ever mentioned how much I love these?🙂

The Path to Biological is on hold currently. Well, not really because I thought of something that needs to be done, but… It’s currently with a beta reader. Yep, I’ve done beta readers for this one before. But I needed to get another one because of the major rewrite I did… It’s just too bad that yet another rewrite will need to be done! Ugh!

The Child of Fault is finally not on hold anymore! I’m working on the fourth draft, which is amazing to me. I’m over 100 pages in. Right after that, I’ll be looking for beta readers… I can’t be the only one sensing a theme here.

Bethany’s Corpse is on hold still. I’ll be looking at that right after I get The Child of Fault done. I’ll be on the third draft. My goal is to get to it by the end of this month. I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…

Do You Remember Me is on hold as well. That’s still on the first draft, but we’ll see how that goes. I’m so ready to get to it. It’s a fun book to write! Challenging, but fun.

Living Through Abuse is still on hold as well. That also is a challenging book to write. I’ll get to it, though. I may completely start over, but I’ll get to it. The only reason I’m starting over is because I realized I need to write about all my toxic relationships. Not just the one I was so incredibly focused on.

I still have yet to start on my part of the compilation book I’m part of, From Surviving to Thriving. I plan on starting it…eventually. Maybe not until next month some time, but eventually.

Also, on that note… From Surviving to Thriving is a compilation about domestic violence. If you were in a toxic relationship of any sort, or if maybe you were the abuser and now you’ve gotten away from that life, you are more than welcome to join the book. We would love to have you! It’s not just for women. Men, you are welcome to come join us as well. Get in contact with me. There is a tab with all of my contact information (Facebook is what I check most often… Author S. Courtney Killian), and I will get you in contact with the people that you need to be in contact with. Also, please know that if you don’t want your name, picture, or bio in the book, that’s okay, too. You absolutely can author under a pen name.

I think that about does it for this week. Until next week…stay tuned!

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My Positive Transformation

I never thought the day would come when I would write about this. If you had told me even just a week ago that I would be sitting here writing this today, I would have thought you were crazy.

I’ve been in a string of toxic relationships. One when I was 15 that I talk about all the time on my show (which I will talk more about at the end), one when I was 18 and was engaged to, and the one that I’ve been on and off with for the past five years.

The one that just ended permanently on Wednesday.

I met this guy when the youth group at my former church went to Arkansas on a mission trip. There he was. He was tall, handsome, and had those deep blue eyes that you could swear see straight into your soul. Oh, that boy was hard to resist. He was totally open and honest about his past, which I loved. I told him some of my deepest, darkest secrets because I felt like I could trust him. I barely knew this guy, but before I knew it, I was telling him things I had never told anybody else.

He asked me to be his girlfriend the same day we met. I had felt myself falling for him long before he asked, so of course, I said yes. I was over the moon. Here was the guy that everybody wanted, and he had asked me, the girl that nobody paid attention to. The invisible girl. That shot my self-esteem way up.

The week ended way too soon. Every single time I had to part from him, it was depressing. I was addicted to this guy. Every part of my being told me he was the one. You can imagine how hard it was for me when I had to part from him for the last time when the week was over.

We had plans after he finished his first year of school. So many plans… He was going to move to Texas and be with me after the first year.

Well…things didn’t exactly turn out as planned.

About a month into the relationship, I was told that he was cheating on me. By his ex-girlfriend. I didn’t believe her, because he was telling me otherwise. Who did she think I was going to believe? Her or him? Of course I chose my boyfriend. He would never do that to me. Never.

The relationship ended after four and a half months. He was, in fact, cheating me. I was devastated. I was hurt. I was angry. I felt like I would never be okay again.

We stayed friends on Facebook. Why, I don’t know, but we did. There would be times when I couldn’t stand him, and there would be times when he couldn’t stand me. I would have other boyfriends, and he would have other girlfriends.  Even when I couldn’t stand him, there was some part of me that told me I still loved him…and that was the part that made it so hard for me to see pictures with other girls.

This went on for a while. Then he would break up with them and come running to me. “I still love you. I still want to be with you.” There would be times when I was with a guy and told him no, but more often than not, I would be available and easily take him back. Every single time I ended up being burned. I was cheated on once again.

People would ask me, “Why do you still talk to him? Why do you still care? Why don’t you just cut off all contact with him?” It just wasn’t that simple. He was addictive. There was just something about him that I couldn’t get enough of.

Finally, in January of 2014, when we split up once again, I told myself to take a year off of dating. I made sure to stick with that commitment. I needed to focus on myself, because I had just become way too dependent on being in a relationship. He tried to get in contact with me whenever he and another girl split up throughout that year, but I made sure to stay strong. It wasn’t always easy, but I did it.

In July of 2015, we started talking again. I told him that I was tired of the games, and we can talk about dating, but we are not actually getting together until he comes and visits. It wasn’t easy to reject him like that, but I was able to. We lost contact before he came to visit, and I found out why: As it turns out, he had another girlfriend. Yet another crash and burn moment for me.

I thought at that point I was done with him. I thought for sure I would never hear from him again. Nope. Not a chance. In December of 2015, he contacted me again, and all of my feelings came flooding back. I told him the same rules apply. If he really wants to date, he is going to come to Texas and ask me to be his girlfriend, but it wasn’t allowed on the first time. We needed to go on an actual date.

He came…a time or two, but he never did ask. I was on a guest on a show shortly before I started my own, and I talked about him as, “The guy I’m talking to.” He was upset about that. “Why didn’t you say boyfriend? You should have said boyfriend. We’re practically dating.” I told him my reasons and he said he understood…even if he was disappointed. He passed it off as having a crappy week, which I totally believed, because my week hadn’t been the best, either.

We go on talking, and we joke about dating, and I would teasingly tell him that he needs to come and ask me to be his girlfriend. He kept saying he would try.

Suddenly, there would be a week or two that we go without talking. I asked him about that, and he said he was just busy with work. I bought that…for a while. He’s a truck driver. Of course he’s going to be busy.

I have this app called “Who Deleted Me?” Wednesday evening comes, and I get a notification from that app… This guy that I had been talking to again had deleted me off of Facebook.

It seems silly that this would spark something so huge, but really, it did. I looked closer at his Facebook profile picture, and it was him with this girl…and a picture of a sonogram. That’s right, his girlfriend is expecting a baby. Needless to say, I was devastated yet again.

I talked to a friend about this, but then something happened in that short conversation. I felt a surge of motivation to get him out of my life completely. I realized all of the signs that I had just passed by the last five years, and I was more than happy to block him on all social media accounts, something I had never done before.

I thought I would feel awful the next morning, but no, I felt amazing. I felt better than I had in a long time, if ever. If he wants to have a baby with someone else, so be it. He’s out of my life permanently. I tell me reflection, “I love you,” every single time I look in the mirror now, and gosh darn it, I mean it! It’s such an amazing feeling, and I love it. My self-esteem has never been higher! He’s out of my life permanently now, and this time, I know that for sure.

I’ve told a few people about my experience, and a couple of them have thought it was strange that realizing he’s going to have a kid with someone else is what pushed me to get rid of him permanently. The truth is, it wasn’t that. It was realizing all the signs and realizing that I would be so much better without him in it.

I can try to deny it, but my heart has been given to him for five long years, and I finally took it back. This is what freedom feels like, and I absolutely love it.

Am I saying that I’ll never have a bad day again? No, of course not. I’ll have bad days, bad moments, whatever you want to call it. Everybody does, and there’s nothing you can do about it. But what I do know is that I’m prepared to combat those bad moments with a high self-esteem and my head held higher than it’s ever been before.

I’m a work in progress, and I always will be one. This week just happened to shoot me further in my journey than I ever have been before.

Check out the latest episode of my show, Work In Progress with Courtney Killian! I record every Monday at 7:30PM CST. I hope to see you there!

The Road to Being Published

I’ve never done this whole two posts in one day thing before… Let’s do this thing.

You guys. I have done so much the past few weeks. I’m so excited about how well it’s gone! Let’s hope I can make it sound like this… I should be able to. Yay.

The Path to Biological is going so much faster now that I’m typing it! I just started Chapter 60 last night. I’m just over 36,000 words. This is so exciting. I should be finishing this week or next week… I hope!

The Child of Fault is still on hold, but I should be getting back to it soon. I’m getting close… I just have to get to a point where I can just dump the main focus on someone else.

That sounds awful. But anyway…

Bethany’s Corpse is still on hold as well. It’s in the lineup, I swear. I’ll get to it. It may be a couple months, but I’ll get there. Eventually. I’m on the third draft, I think. Jeez, it’s been a while…

Do You Remember Me is still on hold as well. I keep hoping to start a sprint with the group I used to sprint with…. Now I probably won’t until I get my laptop back. The motherboard decided to crash. So much fun.

Living Through Abuse is, yes, on hold as well. I’m excited about this one, so hopefully it won’t be too long. I could skip to it, but I need to let my fiction works have a chance, too.😉

I know, I know, it sounds like I’m not doing much, but really, I am! It feels like a lot more than it looks on paper. Believe me, 36,000 words in three or four weeks was not easy. I’m really pushing myself by doing there. Bring it on.

I believe that’s all for this week. Until then…stay tuned!

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AuthorFest 2016

If you’ve talked to me at all in the past few weeks, or if you read an article that I posted a few months ago, you know that I’ve been very busy with book signings. The first one was great. Five books sold! The third one is coming. The second…the second was this weekend, and was an absolutely amazing experience.

I was invited to go to AuthorFest, a multi-author signing in Denison, Texas. I met so many amazing authors.We had to get a picture together, of course…


As usual, I’m the shortest one! I haven’t stopped laughing about that. Short girl problems, anyone? Also…what the heck is going on with my hand? I’m probably thinking this is way too hysterical.

In this two-day event, I read my work. Out loud. That was such a terrifying experience! I was sick to my stomach the entire time Friday night and just kept telling myself to not nervous puke… That was all I was considering a success at that point. I was a lot more confident on Saturday, and I think it showed. Everyone heard it. Heck, even I heard it. And I saw it…

Maybe it’s just me, but I can see a HUGE  difference in confidence. I’m in love with that difference.

There were also a lot of other amazing experiences. I also had a lot of other pictures of me taken. Probably more of my book… People have told me that it looked like a lot of fun! Which, of course, it was.

I shared a book rack with a couple of other authors. It sure would have looked bare if it had just been my book! That will change eventually… I just need to get all these projects I have waiting for me done, as you know.

As is usual with any place of books I go to, I had to come home with at least one book. How I came home with just one, I will never understand. I’m really looking forward to reading it, and now that I actually know this author, that makes it all the better!


The author is Jacquline E. Smith, if you like a good ghost story. The only bad part about the picture was not being able to get her name on there.

We also had a mascot. A polythemus moth. His name is Herschel.


Isn’t he beautiful?

To wrap this up, it was a great weekend. I met so many amazing authors, and because of this, I had another couple of offers to go to other events! If I go, I will definitely be posting about them. I’m sure hoping!

That’s it for this weekend. I’m hoping to get my usual Wednesday post up here in a little bit. Until then…stay tuned!

The Road to Being Published

Hello, everyone. I’m back this week to talk about how far I am in getting published. Well…published again, I should say. Because as you know, Days of the Kill is on Amazon. Go look it up!

Somebody remind me to get a “bookstore” tab on here one of these days… Seriously, it’s been out almost a month.

Anyway, I’m really proud of how far I’ve gotten. It’s been a lot of fun to look at the progress I can make in one week! Or as you all know, two weeks.

The Path to Biological is going so much faster now! I finished the handwritten draft (finally!) and now I’m typing it up. I got over 11,000 words in one day. How awesome is that? Now, I’m at just over 16,000. I’m also on Chapter 30 already. There’s 71. I’d say I have a pretty good head start on it, especially considering the slow pace of a realistic goal I had. It turns out I really didn’t need to worry about that. Go figure.

The Child of Fault is still on hold, although it shouldn’t be for much longer. If I keep going at the pace I’m going, I should be back to it in just a few weeks. Yay!

Bethany’s Corpse is still on hold as well. I hope it’s not for too much longer, because let’s be honest, I love this book. It’s probably my favorite one to work on. I don’t even know how to express my love for this (I’m picking favorites with my book children now…I’m that mother. Whoops).

Do You Remember Me is still on hold as well. I’ve been on the first draft for pretty much forever, but hey, at least I’m making progress somewhere, which is more than I could say about myself for a while. And let me tell you, this is going to need a lot of revisions. This is such a different style than I’m used to writing!

Living Through Abuse is still on hold as well. Just like Do You Remember Me, it’s going to need a lot of revisions once I finally finish the first draft. It may be weird because it’s a nonfiction book, but as every nonfiction author knows, even those need a lot of help sometimes.

I also have very exciting news. I’m going to be a part of a compilation book called From Surviving To Thriving. It’s all about experiences in abusive relationships, and I’m so excited to be a part of it. It’s set to release in October of 2016. I will let you all know more about it as it comes!

I believe that’s it for this week. Next week, I hope to have even more exciting news to share! Until then…stay tuned!

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Exciting Times

Hello, everyone. I apologize for not getting a post up on Wednesday. I had things to do, and it just didn’t get done.

I want to talk about some things that are going to be coming up very quickly in just a few weeks, but I just have to tell you about one exciting thing that happened on Friday. It was my other website’s second birthday! It’s hard to believe I’ve been blogging for two years. It’s very exciting.

Now, on to the more exciting part. I have my first book signing in less than two weeks. On May 1, I will be at the Half Price Books Store in Mansfield, Texas from 1:00-3:00. I’m so excited to be able to do this!

I will also be in Denison, Texas on May 6-7. It’s a two day event, and I could not be more excited to be joining so many amazing authors in this. You know, technically I was invited before I was actually published…which makes it even more exciting.😉 You can find out more in the flier below.🙂

AuthorFest 2016

Did you see my book there??? Guys…it’s official. I’m going to be hanging out with these authors instead of just attending their book signings. Eek!

Okay, now that I’ve maybe got it together again…

I will also be at the Half Price Books Store on Cooper in Arlington, Texas (yes, there are several in Arlington so I had to explain) on May 14 from 12:00-3:00 signing books. I’m so excited about that as well!

May is going to be such a busy month, but I am so ready for it. This is a really exciting time for me. If you can make it out, I would love for you to be there. I would love to meet with anyone that has been reading my blog. If you’re in the area at all, come on out and show your support!

That’s about it for today. Until Wednesday…stay tuned!

So Close, Yet So Far

Getting close to the end on anything writing-related is such an exciting thing, no matter what the case may be. Maybe you’re getting close to the end of the draft, maybe you’re getting close to the final before you send your manuscript off to the world, or maybe you’re getting close to the end of a goal.

Whatever the case may be, you’re probably getting excited. I know I am.

If you’ve been following me for any length of time, you know I’ve been handwriting a draft of The Path to Biological. I know some of you may think it’s insane (I spoke to one individual that thinks it’s insane, anyway), but at the time, it seemed easier than going back and forth between two different screens, or making a lot of use out of the backspace button (which I do enough of already!).

I finally have less than 20 pages left (then I have to type it, but I’m not ready to think about that yet). When I started this, I never imagined I would be taking months to do this. I finally put a deadline on myself and I’m making myself stick to it. The handwriting has to be done by next month, and then I can focus on typing. So far, I’m actually ahead, which is where I plan to stay.

The thing is, when we’re getting close to the end of something, why does it seem like there are more distractions than ever before? It’s like there’s some unseen force that helps distract us from reaching our goal, which is really annoying and frustrating.

Really, you have two options here: Push through the distractions, or give in.

What will you choose? I know which one I try to choose.

Now, I know that things happen like a family member (kids especially) or a friend needs you. That’s understandable and acceptable. They should come before writing. Always.

Well, I guess that’s it for today. Until Monday….stay tuned!

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The Road to Being Published

According to my more recent posts, it’s been at least a month since I’ve done this series…whoops! I know I’ve been slacking lately. Things happen. Oh, well.

Anyway, I’ve gotten quite a bit done since the last time I did this series. I can certainly be glad about that!

The Path to Biological is still going slowly, and I’m  still hand-writing it, but I’m so close to getting it done! I’m on Chapter 61. Can you believe that? So close! And most of the chapters are short (which you would hope with that many chapters!). I also just have to add…it is sad how normal the situation these characters are in seems to me now because I’ve been spending so much time on this.

The Child of Fault is on hold currently, and I’ve said the reason before, but hopefully it won’t be for too much longer. I just have to get to where I can focus on it. Oh, I hope it will be soon… I love that story.

Bethany’s Corpse is on hold as well. I think this is my favorite story, so I hope to get back to it very soon. It may take a few months, but I’ll get back to it. Eventually. We’ll just have to see how that all goes.

Do You Remember Me is also on hold. Surprise, surprise. I was doing sprints with my Writing Accountability Group, but we haven’t done that in a while. I hope we can get back to that soon.

Living Through Abuse has been on hold for the longest, I think. It’s going to be one of those that just hangs over my head until it’s done, but the payoff will be so worth it, I would think. We’ll just have to see what the masses have to say about it when it’s done.

You may noticed that I left off one today. It’s been in the front ever since I started this series. I left off Days of the Kill. Why? Because it’s published! It’s on Amazon, and I’ve gotten amazing reviews from it. Go check it out right now.

Here’s the link:

You’ll thank me later.🙂

I think that it’ll do it for this week. Until next week…stay tuned!