Majoring in Confusion

Sometimes, not knowing what you’re supposed to do in your life is the worst feeling in the world. Other times, it’s not so terrible. For me, it’s somewhere in between.

When I started college, I thought I wanted to major in English and just be a full-time writer. Then, I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. Now, I have no idea. I haven’t told anyone that I’m starting to doubt, but man, the doubt is thick.

I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. Ever since I started my job, I’ve been questioning it. Do I want to be an elementary school teacher still? Do I want to be a special needs teacher? Do I want to quit college and be a caregiver for the rest of my life while writing? Do I just want to be a full-time writer without a degree? I have no idea.

Sometimes I think it’s just my struggling in Algebra that causes this doubt, but I really don’t know for sure. I decided to give the tutor that my parents set up for me a chance just in case I’m able to get a grip on the whole math thing, and maybe I’ll see college isn’t so bad after all. I’ll give it a fair chance. But if this guy can’t make me understand anything in a month, I’m out. Too soon? Well, that’s when my book rental ends and I can’t find a place to extend the rental.

There are times when I feel like God doesn’t want me on the college path, but I wonder if that’s just Satan deceiving me. I don’t know for sure, and I may not for a while. That’s why I feel like a month is okay. If I still feel like college isn’t the path for me in a month, I’ll figure something out. My parents may not like it, but I have to follow God’s path for me.

I don’t know what the future holds, entirely, but I do know that it can be a confusing world. If God’s plan for me doesn’t include finishing college, it may be a hard road, but I’m ready for it. If I’m supposed to be a full-time writer with no degree, let me be that full-time writer. I’ve always said I’m a small town girl that has a crazy big dream of becoming a best-selling author, so whether or not my writing career has another career with it, bring on the future. I’m ready and waiting to see what happens.

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