Sometimes, not knowing what you’re supposed to do in your life is the worst feeling in the world. Other times, it’s not so terrible. For me, it’s somewhere in between.
When I started college, I thought I wanted to major in English and just be a full-time writer. Then, I wanted to be an elementary school teacher. Now, I have no idea. I haven’t told anyone that I’m starting to doubt, but man, the doubt is thick.
I have no idea what I’m doing with my life. Ever since I started my job, I’ve been questioning it. Do I want to be an elementary school teacher still? Do I want to be a special needs teacher? Do I want to quit college and be a caregiver for the rest of my life while writing? Do I just want to be a full-time writer without a degree? I have no idea.
Sometimes I think it’s just my struggling in Algebra that causes this doubt, but I really don’t know for sure. I decided to give the tutor that my parents set up for me a chance just in case I’m able to get a grip on the whole math thing, and maybe I’ll see college isn’t so bad after all. I’ll give it a fair chance. But if this guy can’t make me understand anything in a month, I’m out. Too soon? Well, that’s when my book rental ends and I can’t find a place to extend the rental.
There are times when I feel like God doesn’t want me on the college path, but I wonder if that’s just Satan deceiving me. I don’t know for sure, and I may not for a while. That’s why I feel like a month is okay. If I still feel like college isn’t the path for me in a month, I’ll figure something out. My parents may not like it, but I have to follow God’s path for me.
I don’t know what the future holds, entirely, but I do know that it can be a confusing world. If God’s plan for me doesn’t include finishing college, it may be a hard road, but I’m ready for it. If I’m supposed to be a full-time writer with no degree, let me be that full-time writer. I’ve always said I’m a small town girl that has a crazy big dream of becoming a best-selling author, so whether or not my writing career has another career with it, bring on the future. I’m ready and waiting to see what happens.